i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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