i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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