We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
