dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
