I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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