there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
