i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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