Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
