Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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