did you get engaged???
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
