Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
