i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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