I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize