He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ketchup is God's man juice
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
