Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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