Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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