Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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