she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need moral support for this bender
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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