The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
