im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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