just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
