your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
