Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
