Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
