I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
