True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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