So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
