; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
