Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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