Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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