sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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