Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
