im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think a kid would responsible me up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
