I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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