I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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