This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
