She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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