i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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