I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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