I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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