i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
