I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
