you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
