wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
