I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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