Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
