we're blogging at a bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
