Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize