i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
