Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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