goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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