i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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