I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
