she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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