its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
