Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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