I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
