i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
