I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
