She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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