Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
