have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
