Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she told me i tasted like america
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
