I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
