super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
