two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
