I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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