Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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