when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
