Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
