Already got asked if we're dating
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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