i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
