She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
