Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
