Don't you send me to vm
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How external is "for external use only"?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
